Learning to Ride the Bike of Life

When I graduated college I went to work for the same company my father worked for. It was a large national company so, while living on two different sides of the US, I hardly ever ran into my father but I often ran into other employees he had worked with. These employees all had comments about how hard it was to work with and for my father and wondered what it was like to grow up with him. As they told their Joe Cipolla work stories I just smiled and said “It was just like that, but I was used to it.” You see, my father is not what you would call a warm and fuzzy guy. He does not soften or sweeten you up before telling you how it is. If you have a report card with 5 A’s and 1 B, he asks about the B and how you can improve it. He does not just give you credit for showing up, he wants you to take responsibility for your actions. Now, he also does not yell, like ever. He simply explains how disappointed in you he is which has an even bigger impact then yelling.

Growing up in this matter made me ready for the real world and frustrated when I encounter others who need coddling, because it take so much energy. So, some might say my dad is a hard ass and I am cold, but we probably think you are too warm and fuzzy.

I remember when my father taught me to ride my bike without training wheels when I was in Kindergarten. We went to the lower road in our neighborhood and he explained what was going to happen. He was going to hold on until I was balanced well and then he was going to let go. He promised me if I looked back to check if he was still holding on that I would fall. Needless to say I looked and fell…I fell really hard into the gravel on the side of our paved road. He made me try again, and again, and again. I remember thinking he was mean and not nice. How could he just let go and let me fall.

My parents were visiting this past weekend as we worked with Kendal and Ainsley to learn to ride their bikes without training wheels. My dad could not just sit on the side lines and watch me run holding onto the girls bikes as they tried to figure out this new skill and he soon was ready to help Kendal give it a try. I watched in shock as my dad ran and ran holding onto her seat never letting go despite the fact that she was doing fine. He could not let go, and I was in shock. See, when you are on the bike yourself you see the situation one way. But as I watch my father holding tighter and tighter to that pink huffy seat I realized how hard it was for him back then, and now to let go. He never wanted me to fall and the only reason I did was because I looked back to make sure he was there. It wasn’t him….it was me who let myself down.

Learning to ride a bike is a lot like learning how to live your life. You are going to fall if you rely on others to keep you going. If you go on your own they will support you and cheer you along but they cannot do it for you. Just like my dad could not run behind my bike for the rest of my life he could not pick-up my messes or inflate my self-worth for just showing up.

Maybe everyone should learn to ride the bike of life from Joe Cipolla because while you think he is just letting you go to fall, really he is torn about letting go but knows you can’t achieve what you want with him running behind holding you up.

In the end I was the parent to muscle up the strength to let go and watch the girls peddle themselves away…..while of course running closely by incase they fell….baby steps I guess.

Thanks Dad for teaching me how to ride a bike….and thanks for letting me fall a few times too.