Meltdowns of a Mommy

I am sure there is some story, novel, or movie about a person (or animal I guess too) that grows up in isolation not realizing that there is a whole other world out there. A real world, with real things, and other people. Well, I am pretty sure I am currently living that life, scratch that, I know I am. A few days ago the girls and I ventured out of the house, via car, for the first time in weeks, yes plural weeks. What was the reason for our outing? Trip to get take out? Nope. Trip to do something fun? Nope. It was to get allergy shots because it was a necessity. Those are the rules right necessity. As we passed by closed businesses I would enjoy visiting, food places I would love to dine IN, and the drive thru Starbucks (who had a line, I kind you not, 25 cars long) I realized the world is still out there. Other people do still exist other then the now familiar faces we pass daily on our sidewalks as we move farther apart to create space as we pass each other. This other world is...

On Tuesday my husband was told he would be on call from home for 2 weeks. When I found out I went to Home Depot to get paint and supplies. Him being home equaled the start of a project, painting our master bathroom. A project I was planning on taking on this summer, but hey we have time now so why wait. Sunday night the bathroom revamp was over, we sat on the coach to watch a movie and it hit me.....a complete chest restricting panic attack. Now what? What next? I sat with all the thoughts, all the feelings, all the emotions, in all the silence as the movie played on. Today I woke up realizing that the bathroom might be done (other then décor because I can't make a Hobby Lobby run) but that what I have now is a fresh coat of wait. Waiting not knowing any of the answers. Waiting not knowing when life will start to look more normal again. Waiting not knowing how much more things might change before they get better. Wait is what we have. And none of us know, none of us have the an...

March 10th, 2020 - I figure out with a little added effort we could pay off our home mortgage in 8 years. Update life spread sheet. March 11th, 2020 - Look into trail ideas for National Parks Trip this summer. Update trip spread sheet. March 13th, 2020 - Realization that I don't have a spread sheet for any of the changes about to happen. Flood of emotions. Deep breaths. Panic. When I said yesterday that I didn't have a plan and it scared me I was being 100% honest. People often see me as "super mom" who is organized and on it. But in truth, that is just high functioning anxiety. Having a plan helps me manage my triggers. I know what to plan for, what will be needed, what my responsibilities are etc. It is a dizzying way to live daily life but it is how I cope. The first time I made a "life" spread sheet I was 18. It didn't go past age 24, because really after 24 what is left but old age LOL, but I had a plan. Now, in my planning I am not rigge...

It has been a long time since I came to this space to share. Now, like many people, I have time to return and a reason to reflect. We are in a time of so many unknowns. 30 days ago I did not know the term social distancing. 30 days ago I was preparing for trips, vacations, school programs, dance competitions ……. life. And now I have time. I have Team Whitaker (what I started calling my little family a while back) and I have my own daily experiences through this new normal that I will share. I don't have the answers and for the first time in my life I don't even have a plan and that scares the crap out of me. So more to follow but first- Your kids are a gift, do not complain about having to spend time with them. It is not funny or cute. Being on lock down with your partner is not like honeymoon, we all get it. Not having your norm is hard but feel blessed to have someone to share it with.  Stop sharing things on social media that we can all see in the news for ourselves. C...