Self-esteem

In the climate of the world we live in today all parents worry about what kind of self-esteem and value of self-worth their little girls will grow up and have. I am in that group of parents. I know that my girls will encounter mean kids who judge them on their looks, clothes, interest, and well everything under the sun because that is what we do, kids and adults alike. Do I think that as society girls get over criticized and over sexualized at too young of an age, yes. But, do I think this is anything new, no. As a young girl I wanted to be like Madonna or Sandy from Grease. Neither seem like a wise choice in retrospect but I turned out just fine, I think….  Could the issue here really be the hypersensitive way in which the adults of today parent or more importantly judge the parenting of others?

Today was the last day of Princess Camp for my girls. They had a great time wearing their princess gear to camp each day and learning about different kinds of princesses, dragons, knights, castles and just being little girls. Do I feel that allowing them to play in such a manner will lessen their self-worth or self-esteem? No, but I know that others do.

At the end of this month my girls will also wear pink costumes and make-up as they dance on stage in their recital. Do I feel that allowing them to have on stage make-up and wear costumes is teaching them you have to look a certain way to be pretty? No, but I know that others do.

Sometimes I feel that so many parents are concerned with what others do that they don’t realize what they aren’t doing. I allow my girls to explore fairytales and girly things like dance because they do in fact build character. Performing on stage is no easy task and will actually help you in the real world. Understanding when dressing a certain way and make-up are appropriate will also help you in the real world. What does not help kids is not letting explore these things because you are telling them that only a certain kind of child dances, sings, likes a princess story and they are not and will not be that kind of kid. It almost seems like we are teaching them how to judge others by drawing a line in the sand. Kids don’t understand the baggage that each of us brings into parenting with us and how that shapes what our hopes are for them. What they do understand is what seems like fun and what other kids are doing. Is it always recommended to just follow the crowd, no but if you never let them go with the flow they will never learn how to stand against it.

So, self-esteem is not measures by the amount of make-up worn, the length of a skirt, or the style of hair but instead how empowered someone feels to be whoever they want to be. Maybe when we understand that better as adults we can do a better job of teaching the lesson to our children.